IELTS Writing task Essay with its evaluation

Here’s an IELTS Writing task essay submitted by a student. One of our expert trainers has evaluated it and submitted a model...

Avatar Written by Arpit Gang · 4 min read >

IELTS Writing task Essay with its evaluation

Avatar Written by Arpit Gang · 4 min read >

Here’s an IELTS Writing task essay submitted by a student. One of our expert trainers has evaluated it and submitted a model answer for it. The question as appeared in IELTS Writing task cue card is given below.

Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish. Why do you think this is happening?
What can, and do to help reduce the amount of rubbish produced?

Student’s Original Essay submitted
It is certainly true that amount of garbage produced by us increasingly day by day. After providing careful analysis on why this problem rice so sharply in the country, I shall suggest some ways to tackle the problem.
This is one of the serious environmental evil, which is threatening our biosphere as well. There are many reasons which are to be blamed for it. The first main reason is inadequate disposable and recycling system of garbage in our country. Therefore, people throw their rubbish anywhere in the streets. Moreover, the manufacturing and utilization of plastic disposable crockery, Thermcol crockery have enhanced the
However, the problem can be looked after by several precautionary measures. The first and foremost solution is to installing the proper system to dump the garbage everywhere. Moreover, the government should employ more people in this work to make a constant collection of garbage instantly. Furthermore, The government should impose some strict rules regarding throwing waste like foreign countries. For instance, the government of Dubai, USA, Australia etc. have already prohibited to discard the
litter anywhere. They have also installed a proper system for recycling and decomposing the non-recycling waste. To make an awareness in our country, even a big campaign has started by PM of India, Narender Modi. He is spreading awareness and motivating people by involving himself in the cleaning work.
To conclude, although there are several legitimate concerns regarding it. If the above-mentioned step taken into consideration, none seem untackled.
Error Marked Essay-
It is certainly true that the amount of garbage is produced by us is increasing day by day. After providing careful analysis on why this problem has risen rice so sharply in the country, I shall suggest some ways to tackle the problem.
This is one of the serious Environmental evil, which is threatening our biosphere as well. There are many reasons which are to be blamed for it. The first main reason is inadequate disposable and recycling system of garbage in our country. Therefore, people throw their rubbish anywhere on the streets. Moreover, the manufacturing and utilization of plastic and Thermcol disposable crockery, and Thermocol moreover, the manufacturing and utilization of plastic disposable crockery and Thermocol have enhanced the problem of quantity of waste material. For instance, we generally experience the see huge piles collection of used plastic plates and glasses, thrown crockery on the roads especially on the occasion of festivals, religious events like langars etc. People are not aware of the importance and benefits of cleanliness around them.
However, the problem can be solved looked after by several precautionary measures. The first and foremost solution is to install the proper system to dump the garbage, everywhere. Moreover, The government should employ more people in this work to make a constant collection of garbage instantly. Furthermore, The government should impose some strict rules regarding throwing waste like in foreign countries. For instance, the government of Dubai, USA, Australia etc. Have already prohibited to discard the litter everywhere.anyway. They have also installed a proper system for recycling and deep decomposing the non-recycling waste. To make people an awareness in our country, even a big campaign has been started by PM, Narender Modi To make an awareness in our country, even a big campaign has started by PM of India, Narender Modi. He is spreading awareness and motivation among people by getting involved in himself in the cleaning work.
To conclude, although there are several legitimate concerns regarding it. If the above-mentioned steps are taken into consideration by the government and individuals then the problem can be solved and tackled. ,. none seem untackled. Concerns regarding it. If the above-mentioned step is taken into consideration, none seem antiquated
Essay Evaluation as done in IELTS Writing task
Objective- Band 6

  1. Has addressed the main ideas of the topic but not substantiated enough.
  2. The essay has a introduction and conclusion but has not been divided into adequate paragraphs.
  3. The essay has adequate number of words.

Coherence- 5

  1. Has presented information with some organisation but it lacks overall progression.
  2. Makes an inaccurate use of cohesive devices.

For Example:
The Student has written: To conclude, although there are several legitimate concerns regarding it. If the  above-mentioned step taken into consideration, none seem untackled.
It should be: To conclude, although there are several legitimate concerns regarding it. If the above-mentioned steps are  taken into consideration by the government and individuals then the problem can be solved and tackled. ,. none seem untackled. Concerns regarding it. If the above-mentioned step taken into consideration, none seem antiquated
Grammar: 5

  1. Makes frequent grammatical and spelling errors which

can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding what is being conveyed.
For Example:
The student has written:  It is certainly true that amount of garbage produced by us increasingly day by day. After providing careful analysis on why this problem rice so sharply in the country, I shall suggest some ways to tackle the problem.
It should be:    It is certainly true that the amount of garbage produced by us is increasingly day by day. After providing careful analysis on why this problem  has risen rice so sharply in the country, I shall suggest some ways to tackle the problem.
Vocabulary: 5

  1. Has not used apt vocabulary suitable to the text.
  2. For example: ‘deep composing’ should be ‘decomposing

disposable’ should be ‘disposal’.
Model Essay as it should be in IELTS Writing task
 

In this modern and industrialised world, excessive amount of waste is being produced by people everywhere.There has been a significant rise in population, globally, due to which consumption has increased and so has the waste.In this essay we will discuss some reasons and solutions to this problem.
With consumerism on the rise, there is a lot of competition amongst producers and manufacturers and the endeavour is to make the packaging of their products look.So,  very attractive and colorful.Many food,beverage etc. are packed in plastic containers which are non-biodegradable and have an adverse effect on the environment. Nowadays, in religious ceremonies and other get togethers people are using disposable cutlery and crockery which,at times cannot be recycled. There is also a lot of hardware junk from old computers etc. So, that are being thrown into the sea,thus harming and polluting the marine life.
Individuals and government have to work hand in hand to tackle this serious issue.There should be garbage bins and a proper recycling disposal system in place. The government should educate its citizens regarding the usage of reusable bags. Also,  segregating the garbage produced in the households and should ban the use of plastic. Shopkeepers should give the stuff in reusable bags. So, for example, many malls in India are giving the customers their things in paper bags. Schools and colleges should teach the children to “Go Green”.
To conclude,this problem needs to be addressed immediately before its too late. So, every individual has to take interest and responsibility in saving our planet from further degradation.

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