In today’s blog, we will be discussing the IELTS Writing Task 2 question that appeared in an exam recently- Discuss the positive and negative impact of sports on children and give your opinion.
We will read a Sample Student essay, evaluate how it has been written and then talk about how we could have brainstormed about the topic. We will then go through an ideal essay to understand what is expected of us when we encounter a question such as the one above. This IELTS essay sample will help you ace IELTS essay writing by shedding light on areas that need work.
Sample Student Essay
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Evaluation of the student essay
Let’s go through this essay line by line so that we may understand how it has been structured and where it’s lacking.
The essay here is asking the candidate to discuss both the advantages as well as the disadvantages of sports on children . In the next part of the question, it is asking for the candidate’s opinion.
This essay has discussed both the advantages and the disadvantages that sports has on children but it is not an essay that will get you the band score that you wish for. When it comes to task achievement, the candidate has performed well. He/ she has answered all parts of the question asked. However, if you notice closely, you will observe that the candidate has just harped on one point throughout the essay. The demerits of sports that are caused in the form of injuries have been talked about more. Ideally, both the negative and the positive impacts that it has on children should have been properly discussed in the essay. The negative impacts have been stressed upon more so this essay is not balanced. The conclusion too is quite abrupt and although he mentions ‘plenty of cons’, he has mentioned just one con.
Let us take a quick look at the band descriptor’s chart:
Look at the description of Band 6. This Essay is a prototype of Band 6.
The next parameter is Coherence and Cohesion where the connectivity between passages needs to be maintained. It also looks at how well developed the main and the supporting points are.
In the Introduction, the candidate should have mentioned what he was planning to do with the essay. He should have outlined how he would discuss both its positive as well as negative aspects on children along with substantiating his personal point of view.
Exemplify and example are similar words and shouldn’t have been used in the same paragraph. He has also used connective devices in an incorrect manner throughout the essay. There is also an overuse of them in some parts of the essay. There are some attributes of both Band 6 and Band 7 when it comes to Coherence and Cohesion here.
We will be giving the candidate a Band score of 6.5 in Coherence and Cohesion.
The third parameter is Lexical Resources which is nothing but the overall vocabulary that can be gleaned from the essay. It is not just the usage of vocabulary that is looked into. How appropriate the usage of certain words is throughout the essay is also checked.
Words such as outweigh, drawbacks, exemplify, persistent, irrefutable, demerits, deriving wounds are words that are quite advanced.
Let’s read the second paragraph again-
The word explanation has been misused here. The candidate gives a personal example and has used the word ‘explanation’ instead of using words such as example or instance.
Look at the line ‘However, it was difficult…from that time.’ This sentence does not make any sense to the reader. He has used the word ‘literacy’ in the last sentence of this paragraph when the essay is dealing with a topic like sports.
Let’s look at the band descriptors for Lexical resources.
The essay falls between Band 5 and Band 6 and so, we will be grading the candidate a Band 5.5 when it comes to Lexical resources.
The last parameter upon which the candidate is marked is Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
In this essay, we find it difficult to read his sentences and understand his line of thought. He is someone who is not too comfortable with the grammatical aspects of the language yet. Let’s look at Band 5 and 6.
This candidate should receive a Band of 5 in this particular segment.
Overall, we are grading the candidate a Band Score of 6. One area that this candidate needs to improve upon are Grammatical Range and Accuracy as well as Lexical Resources. These need to be polished before he attempts the main test. His Task Achievement and his Coherence and Cohesion are better compared to the other two parameters.
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Essay Plan
Now, the candidate is acquainted with the Task Response and the Coherence , Cohesion parts of the essay. He just needs to finetune his writing so that his points seem well rounded. Lexical resources and grammar can be only perfected with the right amount of practice.
How do you brainstorm for the topic?
Read the question again- Discuss the positive and negative impact of sports on children and give your opinion.
When we look at this question, we understand that it is asking us to elucidate on both the positive and negative aspects that sports has on children. One paragraph of the essay will discuss the positive impact of sports while the other paragraph will discuss the negative impact of sports on children. In addition to answering these parts, you will also be required to provide your opinion.
When you’re creating your essay plan, bear in mind that you have to only answer the questions that are asked. Here, you will need to discuss both the merits and the demerits of sports on children. You need to balance out both the paragraphs so that the essay does not appear biased. Both the paragraphs need to be substantiated with points that are strong.
Lastly, while you’re concluding, you need to state your opinion. If you think sports have a positive effect on children, you must justify why you feel so. Similarly, if you strongly feel that sports have a negative effect on children, you need to outline why you feel so in order to convince the examiner.
Ideal essay
ESSAY PLAN
Discuss the positive and negative impact of sports on children and give your opinion.
Sporting activities affect children constructively while some people believe that sports have a destructive impact on them. This essay will discuss both the positive and negative outcomes of sports on children along with substantiating the opinion that I agree with.
On one hand, games and activities that children indulge in during their formative years, helps them in remaining mentally as well as physically fit. Regularly exerting oneself physically through an activity helps keep our bones and muscles strong. The mental impact of sports on children is building skills such as patience, resilience as well as releasing pent up stress. Athletes who have trained extensively during their childhood turn out to be well balanced personalities who remain largely successful in every endeavour that they take up in their later years.
On the other hand, sports can hinder one’s academics if the right balance between studies and sports is not maintained. The time commitment that sports demands often leads to students missing out on valuable hours of their study time.In the childhood years, it becomes difficult to strike a balance between your career and your passion. A student who is brilliant in math may be equally good at boxing. He may not wish to make a career in the sport but the number of hours that he puts in during practice may impede his chances of becoming a sound arithmetician later on.
In a nutshell, sports have both positive and negative consequences on children but I believe that its positive effects overshadow its demerits. Sports help maintain physical and mental toughness in children. Striking the right balance between sports and other facets of a child’s life will ensure that sports does not cause a hindrance to other activities.
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