IELTS Writing Task 1 Analysis (Moving House) – Band 6

Let us analyse the IELTS writing task 1 of a candidate who was preparing for IELTS exam. Question: You have joined a...

Avatar Written by Arpit Gang · 2 min read >

IELTS Writing Task 1 Analysis (Moving House) – Band 6

Avatar Written by Arpit Gang · 2 min read >

Let us analyse the IELTS writing task 1 of a candidate who was preparing for IELTS exam.
Question:
You have joined a new job and you want to inform about it to your friend by writing a letter. In your letter, write:

  • Tell him the news of joining new job
  • Describe your new job
  • Tell him about any other news

Candidate’s Response:
Dear Naman,
It has been long time since I hear from your side. Hope everything is fine at your end.
You shall feel over the moon after reading the good news I am about to chase you. I have got re-located to bangalore as I have grabbed a New job with a reputed multinational company which has headquarters in Europe. I keep hopping over from one job to another because of unsatisfaction. As I was not getting work related to my specialization. In addition to this, I was not getting paid satisfactorily.
However, the new organization has offered me the role of technical lead where I have to handle a team of 10 people. While doing this, I will not only enhance my knowledge by solving issues of 10 colleagues but also I will get chance to interact with customers to understand their requirements.
Besides the profesional career, I would like to inform you that my engagement has been fixed on 5th of the next month. Obviously, I will send you the separate invitation for this but this is the alarm to get prepared with your clothes for the great event.
Looking forward to listen from you soon.
Lots of love,
Bhavesh Kumar
Now, we will analyze this IELTS writing task as follows:
Para 1
Strength:

Greeting statement is written well.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“Hope everything is fine at your end.” should end with exclamatory sign as “Hope everything is fine at your end!”
Para 2
Strength:

Idiomatic expression (over the moon) is attempted, first bullet point in the question is mentioned and vocabulary (reputed, unsatisfaction, specialization etc.) usage is good.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“You shall feel over the moon after reading the good news I am about to chase you with. I have got relocated to Bangalore as I have grabbed a new job with a reputed multinational company which has headquarters in Europe. Earlier, I kept hopping over from one job to another because of unsatisfaction as I was not getting work related to my specialization. In addition to this, I was also not getting paid satisfactorily.”
Para 3
Strength:

Sentence connector (however) is used, second bullet point in the question is well explained.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“where I have to handle” can be “where I am required to handle”, “enhance my knowledge by solving issues of 10 colleagues but also I will get chance” can be “enhance my knowledge by problem solving in collaboration with my other 10 colleagues but also, I will get”.
Para 4
Strength:

Third bullet point of the question is well explained and sentence connectors (besides the professional career, obviously) are used.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“Besides the profesional career” can be “Besides my profesional career”, “send you the separate invitation” should be “send you separate invitation” “but this is the alarm to get prepared with your clothes for the great event” can be “but consider this is an alarm to get yourself prepared with your clothes for the great event ahead”, “Looking forward to listen from you soon.” should end with exclamatory sign as “Looking forward to listen from you soon!”
Expected Band Score: 6
Overall, the candidate has explained all the points asked in the question. But there are some errors related to grammar, tense, capitalization, articles, punctuation and complex sentence structures.
 

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