IELTS Writing Evaluation with model answer for band 7

Here’s one IELTS Writing Evaluation done for a question that appeared in IELTS  Exam. The question as appearing on cue card will...

Avatar Written by Arpit Gang · 4 min read >

IELTS Writing Evaluation with model answer for band 7

Avatar Written by Arpit Gang · 4 min read >

Here’s one IELTS Writing Evaluation done for a question that appeared in IELTS  Exam. The question as appearing on cue card will be-

Learning to play team sports is an important part of a child’s education.
Do you agree or disagree with the statement.Give reasons for your answer and relevant examples.

Student’s Essay Writing for IELTS Writing –
Sports will always be an important part of education. It Search will always be an important part of education. It helps in maintaining health and keeps mind active, most importantly, it helps in learning Corporation, group loyalty and work within the people of different communities whenever we play in a team.
A person cannot survive in society alone, therefore, he has to work in team by doing cooperation with all. The experience gained in childhood time to perform in groups helps The experience and in childhood time to perform in groups had is difficult help him to cope up with difficult situations and bad times in future. The qualities like team spirit, Corporation and adjustments play a vital role in personality and work performance.
Today In corporate world, we experienced an ample amount of people, who lag behind in their carriers and remain successful while working in a team. However, they had not learnt about perform in the group and team, which put adverse effect on their performances. The team sports like soccer,
rugby and football etc,help the children to explore the qualities of work with unity, adjustments, and different kind of people. While working in groups, a child search his performance within group which push him to perform best with the efficiently and consistently.
And so we can conclude that, the team spirit is an integral part of human life which helps him work efficiently and successfully in future. Playing
alone cannot help him to learn and faces the new challenges.also, well said by a great business man Mr Ratan Tata,”If you want to work fast, walk alone. But if you want to work far, walk together.”
Error Marked Essay for IELTS Writing
Sports  will always be an important part of education. It Search will always be an important part of education. It helps in maintaining health and keeps mind active, most importantly, it helps in learning cooperation Corporation, group loyalty and work with in the people of different communities. whenever we play in a team.
A person cannot survive in society alone, therefore, he has to work in
teams by doing cooperating on with all. The experience gained in childhood time to perform in groups helps The experience and in childhood time helps to perform in groups had is difficult help him to cope up with difficult situations and bad times in future. The qualities like team spirit , Corporation and adjustments play a vital role in personality and work performance.
Today in In corporate world, we see experienced an ample number
amount of people, who stay ahead lag behind in their careers carriers and remain successful while working in a team. However, if they had not learnt about performing in a group and team, then it would have an which put an adverse effect on their performances.
The team sports like soccer, rugby and football etc,help the children to explore the qualities of work with unity, adjustments, and different kind of people. While working in groups, a child compares search his performance within the group which pushes him to perform best, with the efficiently and consistently.
And so We we can conclude that, the team spirit is an integral part of childhood human life which helps children him work efficiently and successfully in future. Playing alone cannot help him them to learn and faces the new challenges. Also, well said by a great business man Mr Ratan Tata,”If you want to work fast, walk alone. But if you want to work far, walk together.”
IELTS Writing Essay Evaluation and Answer Analysis
Objective: Band 6

  1. Has presented relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed.
  2. The essay is divided only into 2 paragraphs.The conclusion is merged with the main body whereas it should have been in a separate paragraph.
  3. The essay has adequate number of words at 281.

Coherence-  5

  1. Has presented information with some organisation but there is lack of overall progression and cohesion.
  2. Sentences are repetitive.
  3.  Inadequate paragraphing.

For Example
Student has written: ….The experience gained in childhood time to perform in groups helps The experience and in childhood time to perform in groups had is difficult help him to cope up with difficult situations and bad times in future.
It should be: The experience gained in childhood helps time to perform in groups helps The experience and in childhood time helps  to perform in groups had is difficult help him to cope up with difficult situations and bad times in future.
Grammar: 5

  1. Some structures are accurate but errors predominate.
  2. Lot of spelling mistakes.
  3. Errors regarding prepositions and articles.

For Example:
Student has written-…. Today In corporate world, we experienced an ample amount of people, who lag behind in their carriers and remain successful while working in a team. However, they had not learnt about perform in the group and team, which put adverse effect on their performances….
It should be- ….Today in In corporate world, we see experienced an ample number amount of people, who stay ahead lag behind in their
careers carriers and remain successful while working in a team. However, if they had not learnt about performing in a the group and team, then it would have an which put adverse effect on their performances.
Vocabulary- 6

  1.  Uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
  2. Makes noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation

Overall Band- 5.5

Model IELTS Writing- 

Man is a social animal and is interdependent on each other for all needs. We need to cooperate,work and understand each other in all spheres of life. I  agree with the statement that team sports is an integral part of one’s growing up as it  benefits the children socially,physically and psychologically.
Team sports should be a part of school curriculum. In this way children learn to cooperate and apply themselves in a team. They learn to help and motivate  each other by understanding each other’s strong and weak points. Team sports like football, cricket, hockey help children to play in unity with others from diverse backgrounds. They learn to adjust and respect each other.
Sports also teaches ‘sportsman spirit’ in which children learn to show appreciation and respect even if they lose to the opponents and as a result learn to deal with disappointments and take it positively. Coping with competition in a healthy way is essential and helps in critical thinking, developing patience , perseverance, self-discipline, problem solving and communication. Children who play sports do well academically also and learn time management.
For instance, Sundar  Pichai CEO of Google admits he learnt team building skills by playing cricket. Nowadays, in corporate offices people have to work in teams and produce results.
Playing team sports also helps children in making friends and develop relationships. It’s also a good way of family members getting involved and an opportunity to bond and to stay healthy.
In conclusion, I would like to say that team sports have many benefits for children as it develops different qualities which help them to adapt in society and helps them in staying fit and healthy as it is said ‘A healthy mind in a healthy body’.

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