Today, we shall be discussing a recent exam question that had come in the Writing section of IELTS – Some say that modern technology is giving people more free time, what do you think?
We will be going through a sample student essay and then evaluating it on parameters such as Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Grammatical Range and Lexical Resources.
We will then discuss ways of brainstorming for the topic and proceed to write an ideal essay.
The IELTS Writing task 2 of the IELTS exam contains a question that needs to be approached with tact. You will need to write an essay based on the question that is asked during your IELTS exam. Doing well in IELTS Writing task 2 is crucial for scoring well in the writing section.
Also Read: Colleges Accepting PTE Exam Scores in 2022: PTE Exam Preparation with IELTS Ninja
Sample Student IELTS Essay – Modern Technology Is Giving People Time
Evaluation Of The Essay
The student has begun by stating – Recently, a question that had come as a part of the IELTS Writing Test Task 2 gave us quite some food for thought. The question stated that with the advent of advanced technology, people have more downtime than they earlier would. We shall be discussing this in depth and also putting forth the opinion that we feel more strongly about.
He hasn’t stated his opinion when he should have ideally begun the introduction with his point of view.
In the second paragraph, he has stated some pointers but has not provided an explanation in support of them. Just making statements will not convince the examiner regarding the topic.
In Task Response, we see whether the student has understood the question well and has been able to answer all parts of it. We also assess if the stance of the person is clear. He hasn’t stated his opinion either. It is only mentioned towards the end. From the very beginning, we are unsure of the stance that he has chosen. He hasn’t fared well in the Task Achievement round.
The word count of an ideal essay should be at least 250 words but this essay is just coming up to 196 words.
Let’s take a look at the band descriptor’s chart and understand what to give this student.
Band 5 appropriately summarizes the manner in which this student has performed in Task Achievement.
Looking at coherence and cohesion, we see that there are no hinge points in between the paragraphs. There are no connectors between the points that are mentioned. Cohesion too is missing in the sentences. Let us look at the band descriptor’s chart for band 5
The next thing that we will be evaluating this candidate on would be lexical resources.
IELTS is not about using fancy words but about using the right terms. Words such as downtime are colloquial terms and are not to be used. As far as vocabulary is concerned, the candidate has done a fairly good job as he has used terms that are appropriate. Let’s look at band 7 for this parameter.
Let us also look at band 6
However, we will give this candidate a band 7 since the description for band 7 closely matches the manner in which he has used lexical resources.
The last parameter is grammatical range and accuracy. When we read the passage, we realize that there are some grammatical mistakes but it is not getting in the way of what he is trying to say. Let us look at band 6 for grammatical range and accuracy now.
This band fits the description and so, we will give him a band 6 here.
TASK RESPONSE: 5
COHERENCE & COHESION: 5
LEXICAL RESOURCES: 6.5
GRAMMATICAL RANGE : 6
The two things that he could have easily improved upon are Task response and Coherence and Cohesion.
He could have developed the points further and should have used proper connectors throughout the essay.
Lexical resources and the grammatical range are fine but have scope for improvement as well.
Brainstorming
Some say that modern technology is giving people more free time, what do you think?
The question here is asking us to provide our opinion regarding how modern technology has provided people with more time. If we agree with the statement, our two paragraphs need to talk about why we agree with it. However, if we disagree with the statement, we will have to provide reasons regarding why we differ from the statement.
The conclusion needs to sum up all the points mentioned and our stance needs to be clear throughout the essay. Just mentioning points will not be sufficient and proper explanations will help the examiner understand what it is that you’re trying to convey.
Ideal Essay
| Title | Some say that modern technology is giving people more free time, what do you think?
The advancement in technology has given birth to appliances and devices which in turn have reduced the time taken by people to do things. |
|
| Stance | I agree with the statement and I will be outlining the reasons for it in this essay below. | |
| Main Point | With everything at the tip of our fingertips, it has become easier than ever to attend to our daily needs. | Modern technology allows us the freedom to choose what we spend our time doing. |
| Supporting point | We can order clothes , food, medicine and other items that we want through the clicking of a button. | Earlier, people would remain caught up while attending to their loved ones’ needs and would hardly get any time to themselves. |
| Explanation | Even if we have unexpected guests in the house, we can order groceries to whip up some dishes within minutes which was not the case earlier. | The mother of two children can now pursue her own hobbies or get more rest compared to an era when they would have to get up at the crack of dawn in order to cook tiffin for their kids or get them ready for school. |
Some say that modern technology is giving people more free time, what do you think?
It is true that advancement in technology has given birth to appliances and devices which in turn have reduced the time taken by people to do things. In this essay I will be outlining the various ways in which technological evolution has resulted in saving time.
Firstly, the advent of e-commerce, one of the many boons of modern technology, has ensured an ease of transaction that did not exist before. Today, we can order clothes , food, medicine and other items that we want through the click of a button. Even if we have unexpected guests in the house, we can order groceries to whip up some dishes within minutes which was not the case earlier. Ordering life-saving drugs in just some time for an emergency illness in the house has also been made possible.
Apart from this, modern technology allows us the freedom to choose what we spend our time doing. Earlier, people would remain caught up while attending to their loved ones’ needs and would hardly get any time to themselves. For instance, Appliances like washing machines and OTG, etc have made the lives of many homemakers easy. Now, a mother of two children can pursue her own hobbies or get more rest compared to an era when she would have to slave away running errands.
In conclusion, it is only fair to say that as modern science and technology progress, newer more efficient ways of living are going to be wrought. Be it mobile technology or the advent of the internet, the world today runs at a much faster pace when compared to the one our forefathers lived in.
Also Read: Recent Exam Cue Card Question:- Using Mobile Phone to do Something Meaningful
English 
Hindi