IELTS Writing question evaluation with a model answer

Here’s an IELTS Writing question that appeared in the IELTS Exam. Some people think that the government is wasting money on the...

Avatar Written by Arpit Gang · 3 min read >

IELTS Writing question evaluation with a model answer

Avatar Written by Arpit Gang · 3 min read >

Here’s an IELTS Writing question that appeared in the IELTS Exam.

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

A student has enclosed an Essay for IELTS Writing question.
While a mix of Government spending is a good indicator of the priorities and the direction where a nation’s economy is heading to, it could also be a potential source of debate among people with divergent views. Many people do not like governments to spend taxpayer’s money on arts, history or related matters. They want the money to be invested favorably into other areas. Some however, do not buy this idea.
The people who do like preservation and promotion of art through government intervention believe in the values and hidden knowledge in arts which has been gained painstakingly over generations. They identify themselves strongly with their tradition and customs exhibited in performing arts. Take for instance the Madhubani pantings and folk dance of western Bihar. These art forms are dying because they do not have much commercial value even though they have great treasure of mythological knowledge within them. Only Government can further their cause so that the newer generation could appreciate them someday.
People on the other side find it highly irrational and insist that government should invest more money on development related issues like health, education, research in technology, industry and infrastructure etc., which could propel the nation towards economic prosperity. They point at America, which is ever growing because she invests heavily in research.
It can be broadly concluded that consensus are hard to arrive at, in a country of many people. It would be wise if a government listen to every popular sentiment but makes its own priorities for public spending, let it be arts or otherwise.
 
Objective: Band 6.0

  • The author has showcased both the viewpoint-why should the government spend on arts and why should the government focus spending on other fields.
  • The word count is 261 i.e. it within the word count of 250-270 words.  

Coherence: Band 6.0

  • Two to three sentences are long and incoherent.  

Incorrect: “Take for instance the Madhubani pantings and folk dance of western Bihar. These art forms are dying because they do not have much commercial value even though they have great treasure of mythological knowledge within them. Only Government can further their cause so that the newer generation could appreciate them someday.”
Correct: “For instance the Madhubani pantings and folk dance of Western Bihar are art forms that are dying because they do not have much commercial value whilst they have a treasure of mythological knowledge buried within.”
Incorrect: “Only Government can further their cause so that the newer generation could appreciate them someday.”
Correct: “Only government can further their cause so that the newer generation can appreciate them someday.”
Incorrect: “They point at America, which is ever growing because she invests heavily in research.”
Correct: “They quote America, which is an ever growing country since she heavily invests in research.”
Grammar: Band 4.0
Appropriate usage of modals, non-capitalization of common nouns, subject verb agreement, helping verbs
Incorrect: “Only Government can further their cause so that the newer generation could appreciate them someday.”
Correct: “Only government can further their cause so that the newer generation can appreciate them someday.”
Incorrect: “Many people do not like governments to spend taxpayer’s money on arts, history or related matters. 
Correct: “Many people do not like the government to spend taxpayers money on arts, history or related matters.”
 
Vocabulary: 6.0

  • This essay presents a decent range of vocabulary but still better can be done.

Overall Band: 5.5
A sample Essay model answer for IELTS Writing task-

Some sections of the population consider government spending on arts as a wasteful expenditure. And there could be better avenues to spend this money.  This essay will try to examine the extent of agreement with the above statement.
Some citizens feel that preserving the rich culture and heritage of a nation is of utmost importance so that the future generations are aware of their glorious past.  This is also a means for the present and forthcoming generations to take a cue from valuable knowledge. Also, experience garnered by our forefathers.  For instance, the preservation of heritage monuments, sites such as Qutb Minar, Iron Pillar, Indus Valley Civilization and many more. They  give the current breed of engineers and architects an insight into the kid of architecture, engineering that prevailed in construction industry those days.  The fact that the Iron pillar refuses to rust in spite of its exposure to the vagaries of nature is a testimonial of the existence of marvelous metallurgical processes in ancient times.
However, there are some who feel that the country should be spending on the necessities such as  education, medical facilities etc., rather than luxury spending. Specifically, such as preserving the country’s art and architecture.  For the country to propel in the path of progress, spending on building the nation’s infrastructure is of utmost importance. Specially,  such as more educational and medical institutions like IITs, IIMs, AIIMS, improving irrigation facilities by building dams.
Going by the above two ideologies, both the spending are of utmost importance.  While the basic infrastructure development will ensure the country is progressive, the preservation of the country’s heritage will keep the country’s soul rich and alive.

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