IELTS Exam- Essay Writing Evaluation with model answer

IELTS Writing Task 2- Essay Writing Evaluation and Detailed Analysis This is an essay submitted by one of our IELTS students, I...

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IELTS Exam- Essay Writing Evaluation with model answer

Avatar Written by Arpit Gang · 4 min read >

IELTS Writing Task 2- Essay Writing Evaluation and Detailed Analysis
This is an essay submitted by one of our IELTS students, I have graded and analysed the essay in detail on the 4 evaluation criteria. Read on to find out the findings and you can prevent yourself from making these mistakes.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question

It is generally believed that the Internet is an excellent means of communication but some people suggest that it may not be the best place to find information. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.

Student’s essay writing sample.
The Internet is one of the Major inventions of the 21st century. Some people think that it is an excellent method for transferring information but others believe that it is not the best place to get information. Communication was fast and effective with the use of the internet. However, this contains most of the information accessible only to people who have knowledge of electronic usage.
 Firstly, the Internet is assists in communication between individuals from a different part of the world promptly. In addition to that transfer of information is effortless. For example, the main communication use of internet are websites, social medias like Face book, What’s app, Skype. Also,  with the aid of these anyone from different nations can see, talk and exchange information.
On the other hand, Internet information is not everyone with minimum electronic usage. Also,  it is not available in many developing nation mainly Indian and African subcontinent where less than 15 % of people have access to internet facility. There most of them are not receiving enough basic education. Hence it cannot be considered as the best method for receive information.
In conclusion, I personally think that the internet can be used as the best method of communication. Also, even though it had not reached to all parts of the people. However, today it is one of the major growing means of communication. Development of nations and education of its people help the improvement of internet usage . Also, and later a generation which has access to immediate communication can be full filled.
Essay Writing Evaluation and Answer Analysis:-
Objective: Band 5

  • The essay lacks variety in ideas.
  • The writer presents some main ideas but is not clear
  • The ideas are limited and not sufficiently developed

In this category-  the student obtains a 5 band as it lacks objective & task achievement throughout the essay.
Trainer notes: Evaluate to what extend the student has followed the following . Especially,  argument,
opinion etc have been given as per the question and in abundant numbers, essay has enough
words, essay has been divided into 4 paragraphs. Introduction and conclusion are clearly
written, arguments are not repeated. For only 1 type of error, deduct 2 bands. For more than
one of these errors this section will command 6 or less band.
Coherence: Band 4

  • Elaboration on the ideas are not mentioned and are not logical
  • Only one idea/point for each of the task is focused and elaborated in the essay.
  •  Few Connectors are used to link sentences but are not wisely used.

As an example
Firstly, the Internet is assists in communication between individuals from a different part of the world promptly. Also,  In addition to that transfer of information is effortless.
(The connector ‘Firstly’ is used to begin and is followed by ‘In addition to’. Connectors like secondly thirdly etc which were supposed to be followed in the later part of the essay are missing).
 

Trainer notes – If the sentences are long and incoherent, marks will be deducted. Even if  a
single sentence is incoherent give 7.5. If every paragraph is in-coherent, give 6.5 or lower bands
depending on the level of incoherency. The lower the quality of sentence formation, and the
higher the frequency of writing incoherent sentences, the lower the band

Grammar: Band 3

  • Sentence structure needs improvement.
  • Articles and prepositions are missing.

For example:
On the other hand, Internet information is not everyone with minimum electronic usage. Also,  it is not available in many developing nation mainly Indian and African subcontinent. Especially, where less than 15 % of people have access to internet facility.
Internet information is not for everyone with minimum electronic usage.

  •  Lack of use of punctuation.

Sentences are too long and are not separated by a comma even.

  • Inadequate knowledge of tenses.

 I personally think that the internet can be used as the best method of communication. Hence, even though it had not reached to all parts of the people.
Grammar is essential for describing a topic . So, if each sentence consists of a grammatical error there is high possibility that you will score a band 3.

Trainer notes – If the answer has less than 3 unwitting or spelling errors, give 8. If the errors are
more than 3, deduct more bands. Higher the frequency of grammar errors, lower the band. More
than 50% of Indian student fall between 4 to 6 band, because they make anywhere between 5
to 10 errors in the entire essay

Vocabulary: 4

  • uses only basic vocabulary which is insufficient for the task.
  • has limited control of word formation
  • Has spelling errors.

This essay doesn’t present a wide range of vocabulary and unnecessary words are used to elongate the sentence.  Hence, the meaning is lost. This is the reason for scoring a 4 band in this category.
Overall Band: 4.0
Model Answer by the trainer.
From its inception, the internet has made a vital contribution for growth of humans. It has undoubtedly made our lives easier . But, on the other hand our over dependence on internet is of concern.
People living in different time zones of the world are able to have a better connectivity in terms of communication. . It can be considered as a precursor for the emergence of globalization. Social media platforms have paved the way to enable the general public . Also,to take part in discussions or debates in various fields. The examples are politics, science, business, entertainment and more. It has
On the other hand, this powerful technology can prove to be a costly affair. So, if not used wisely. Over indulgence and dependence on internet deprives us of our basic communicative skills. Admittedly, not all of them available on the internet are reliable . And also,  helpful because it could be changed by irresponsible people
I have discussed both the views. Also, I opine that internet no doubt has revolutionized the world with its populace.Also,but the judicious use of the same rests on us. As goes the saying ‘A coin has two faces’. Also, it’s up to us to decide which face to gaze at.
Important Vocabulary and Phrases
Precursor
Void
Convergence
Opine
Populace
Judicious
Connectors used
On one hand/on the other hand
Admittedly.

We have more such Essay Writing Evaluation articles for your guidance with their model answers.You can go through them for more exemplary guidance.
 We also have a free evaluation done by our trainers.Check it out!
Also , a band Predictor for you to calculate your own band. Try it out.
 Write back to me if you have any queries.

 

 
 

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One Reply to “IELTS Exam- Essay Writing Evaluation with model answer”

  1. hi i want to ask that all the 4 parts of ielts score should be equal.otherwise how it is actually can you explain me .

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