नमूना उत्तर के साथ आईईएलटीएस लेखन कार्य मूल्यांकन: बेहतर बैंड स्कोर के लिए एक गाइड

Here is one question that appeared in the recent IELTS Writing task. A student gave an answer to it which one of our trainers has evaluated. We have also provided a model answer for it.

Sample Question

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work.some people regard this as completely wrong, While others consider it as valuable work experience important for learning and taking responsibility?

What are your opinions on this issue? You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. You should write at least 250 words.

Student’s Answer

Nowadays, children are multitalented which shows great variation towards the past generation. In many nations, children are involved in doing work for earning money.

A fair portion citizens pretend that it is absolutely wrong. However, other individuals claim that children gets outstanding work experience that play a vital role in further learning and taking responsibility.I strongly agree with idea, that gives valuable work experience for children and support with relevant examples.

यह भी पढ़ें: एक विशेषज्ञ द्वारा आईईएलटीएस लेखन कार्य निबंध मूल्यांकन: अपने लेखन स्कोर में सुधार करने के लिए गाइड

More Detail

To begin with, working at young age will boost their knowledge that retain for long period.Young age children has more intelligent quotient when compared to older people’s so that they can master whatever they learn.In Addition, practical learning gives much experience rather than theoretical learning.For instance, children working at cafe or restaurant improves communication skills automatically by talking to customers. Moreover, working at young age not only makes the child responsible but also make them to learn discipline and manners.Therefore, working for paid wages makes child skill full and gives more experience.

Wrapping Up

In addition, children working for money reduces burden of parents especially from poor family background or single parent children in order to meet basic needs of life.Children become more independent rather than depending upon their parents for paying their own tuition fees and pocket Money.Moreover, children learn problem solving skills from their experience.For an example, children in Japan starts working at 14 years of age they concentrate both on education and work.Therefore, working at early age make children to boost their confidence levels.

In conclusion, children must continue their studies and perform work both plays an important role.This enriches the child’s knowledge as well as gives them an opportunity to proof  their skills.

Error Marked in IELTS General Writing by The Expert

Nowadays, children are multitalented which shows great variation from towards the past generation. In many nations children are involved in doing work for earning  money. A fair portion of citizens pretend that, it is absolutely wrong. However, other individuals claim that, children gets outstanding work experience that play a vital role in further learning and taking responsibility. I strongly agree with the idea, that it gives valuable work experience for children and support with relevant examples.

To begin with, working at a young age will boost their knowledge that  is retained for long period. Young age children have has more intelligent quotient when compared to older people’s so, that they can master whatever they learn. In A addition , practical learning gives more  much experience rather than theoretical learning. For instance, children working at  cafes or restaurants improves communication skills automatically by talking to customers. Moreover, working at a young age not only makes a child responsible, but also teaches them make them to learn discipline and manners. Therefore, working for paid wages makes a  child skillful skill full and gives more experience.

More Details

In addition, children working for money reduces burden on of parents especially those who are from poor family background or single parent , children in order to meet basic needs of life. Children become more independent rather than depending upon their parents for paying their own tuition fees and pocket M money. Moreover, children learn problem-solving skills from their experience. For example, children in Japan starts working at 14 years of age and they concentrate both on education and work. Therefore, working at an early age helps in enhancing the confidence levels of children. make children to boost their confidence levels.

निष्कर्ष

In conclusion, children must continue their studies and perform work, both of which plays an important role. This enriches the child’s knowledge of children as well as gives them an opportunity to prove proof their skills.

यह भी पढ़ें: आईईएलटीएस लेखन कौशल बढ़ाने के लिए 6 युक्तियाँ: अपना वांछित बैंड स्कोर प्राप्त करें

Essay Evaluation and Answer Analysis of IELTS Writing Task 1/ 2

Essay Evaluation and Answer Analysis for the given IELTS general writing task question.

Objective- Band- 7

• Has addressed all parts of the task.
• Has presented a clear position throughout the response.
• The essay has an adequate number of paragraphs including an introduction and a conclusion.
• It also has an adequate number of words i.e 285.

Coherence- 6

• Has arranged information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression.
• Has used cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences is faulty.

उदाहरण के लिए

The Student has written: Therefore, working at an early age make children to boost their confidence levels.

Should be: Therefore, working from an early age helps in enhancing the confidence levels in children, make children to boost their confidence levels.

Grammar: 5

• Has used a limited range of structures.
• There are a lot of grammatical errors regarding, subject-verb agreement, tenses etc.

उदाहरण के लिए:

The Student has written: …children gets outstanding…At young age children has…

Should be: …children get gets outstanding…At a young age, children have has more…

Vocabulary: 6

• कार्य के लिए शब्दावली की पर्याप्त श्रृंखला का उपयोग किया है।
• Attempted to use less common vocabulary but with some Inaccuracy.
• Made some errors in spellings.

उदाहरण के लिए:

The Student has written: Moreover, working at young age not only makes the child responsible, but also make them to learn discipline and manners.

…gives them an opportunity to proof their skills.

Should be: Moreover, working at a young age not only makes a child responsible but also teaches them to learn discipline and manners.

…gives them an opportunity to prove proof of their skills.

Overall Band: 6

Sample Essay for the given IELTS General Writing Task Question

The issue of children doing paid work is complex and a sensitive one. There are people who think it’s not right for the children to work for money whereas, others feel it’s alright as they gain hands-on experience. I feel it’s okay for children to earn money as long as they volunteer for it and don’t neglect their studies. They should not be forced to work.

Next Paragraph

Nowadays, in schools children are taught to help and be empathetic towards the less privileged. As a result, children want to contribute in their own way, for example, when my daughter was in grade 5, along with her friends she sold lemonade and cupcakes in school. The money that they earned was given to their teacher for charity. In this way, they learnt to be sensitive, caring, thoughtful etc.

Next Paragraph

It also helps in improving their self-esteem and confidence. It is okay if children work voluntarily in a part-time job, during vacations or holidays. They can earn their pocket money and hence as a result know the value of money, learn to be independent and responsible citizens.

Next Paragraph

However, there are situations when children are forced to work for money which is wrong. Firstly, poverty is the main reason due to which many children are compelled to earn and support their families. These children work in carpet or matchbox factories, etc. Also, are kept in very unhygienic conditions without proper food and ventilation as bonded labourers. They remain illiterates. Their learning is also limited due to the arduous and repetitive tasks that they perform. Such paid work should be discouraged.

Wrap Up

Therefore, in conclusion, I feel that children should work for pay, as long as it’s not mandatory and doesn’t hamper their education but children who work due to poverty should not be exploited and should be given an opportunity to go to schools and be educated.

निष्कर्ष

For more such IELTS writing task 1/ 2 mentor oriented guidance, IELTS NINJA is here to help you out. We also provide videos lessons and exercises to understand IELTS strategies as pre-session study material for IELTS Writing task and other tasks too. Check them out now.

यह भी पढ़ें: आईईएलटीएस राइटिंग टास्क 2 के लिए पर्यावरण निबंध कैसे क्रैक करें? आपके लेखन कौशल को बढ़ाने के लिए एक मार्गदर्शिका